In principle, it helps to take ownership of what I hear, which may be different from what the speaker intended. Messages often get changed between how they are launched and how they land. The person talking often means one thing yet the person listening often hears it differently. This is due to differences in culture and context. It is nobody’s fault.
When I begin a sentence with “I heard,” rather than “You said,” it acknowledges that I might not have heard it the way you intended. Speaking from my own perspective, using “I messages,” is disarming, safe, nonjudgmental, humble.
Practical Tip: Don’t tell someone what they said, what they launched. Rather, use your own words to describe what you heard, how the words landed on you. This allows the speaker to clarify any difference between launch and land, which furthers understanding, which contributes to good group decisions.
– Craig Freshley
Click here for a one-page PDF of this Tip, a great way to print or share.
This is really important. We many times even get into arguments with people regarding what we heard and what they actually said. Well, this is another very useful tip. Thanks..
This is the first time i have heard/read about the terminology launch and land. I will be incorporating it into my training vocabulary from now on.
A great reminder for work and home. Thanks.
Using the words “launch” and “land” create such a great graphic about communication processes. I believe this helps us anchor the idea of ownership of what we say. So often I think misundstandings start when assumptions come out as truths due to a lack of claiming ownership of what is heard as a perspective.
This is an important distinction that Craig makes. When we indicate what we heard, we are “allowing” that we might not be catching the point of the speaker, which allows them to correct our understanding. When we say “You said …” we are putting our understanding in their mouths which could sound confrontational to them, which might elicit a defensive response rather than a clarification response from the speaker.
Thank you for pointing out the fine distinctions we can make with our words.