Just because it’s a bad outcome doesn’t mean I did something wrong. Craig explains in this short, spontaneous video on the street.
This video has captions. To see them, click CC on the video screen.
Here’s what Craig says in the video
Hey everybody! Hi. It’s Craig Freshley here.
I was just in a meeting and a lady told a story. Somebody asked her a question – looking back on her life – and her first response was, “I don’t know where I went wrong.” Her first response was to feel bad about the way things had turned out and particularly bad about her own actions and the things she had done wrong. And she couldn’t figure it out. But then she had a second reaction and the second reaction was, “Maybe I didn’t do anything wrong.”
You know, stuff just happens. Outcomes are not entirely my responsibility there are many many different things that contribute to a particular outcome. And it’s not always healthy to think that a bad outcome is because of something that I did wrong.
Now there are people who are always thinking, “I didn’t do anything wrong;” who are frankly in denial about their part of things. This video is not for those people. My message today is for the people who tend to think that they did do things wrong and that every bad outcome is in part because of something that they did.
Give yourself a break. Realize that, “I am not responsible for every bad outcome.” Sometimes things just happen.
We can get so caught up in our heads in assessing both credit and blame and if we can release ourselves from the burden of having to evaluate credit and blame in every situation and simply go to the next situation, it can be really freeing for me and for my group.
Thanks for listening everybody. I hope this helps you help your group make good decisions.
2 thoughts on “I didn’t do anything wrong”
Thanks so much for your comment.
It made me watch the video just now.
It lightened my load too.
There is so much value in detachment.
I’ve written about that too.
Knowing what I’m responsible for and what I’m not.
And there is a LOT that I am not responsible for.
I listened to your video and my thinking got redirected. Thank you. It got me to thinking…I have had depression off and on for years. In treatment many years ago, somewhere I learned that if something wrong it meant I had to change. That brought on a sense of responsibility for my life. I also see how I encouraged deeper codependency. Unfortunately, the guilt fueled the deeper shame and now I am trying to dig out from it all.
I just wanted to say that your video lightened my load a lot. You write that the pattern is credit and blame. Cause and effect. NOw I have to dare myself to not apply the credit and blame and move on. Somehow credit and blame brings closure and less ambiguity. Learning to live with ambiguity is not easy but is a lot more comfortable than worry and guilt. I appreciate your simple words of wisdom.