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I think humans have a genetic defect that might do us in. Our brains are too big. Not only do our heavy heads cause innumerable muscular/skeletal challenges, we think too much. I have this defect.

Recall my recent article where I said that job of the heart is to pump blood, the job of the lungs is to suck air, and the job of the brain is to make thoughts. Our brains make thoughts ALL the time, some of them not helpful.

We’re genetically wired to try to understand stuff. Good to a point, yet too much of that ingredient has a dark side. I have that dark side. Why did that person say that? Or do that? Why did this happen to me? Or that? Why are they mad at me? Are they mad at me? Who else is mad at me? What did I do wrong?

I get that exploring conflicts can help craft solutions, but mostly when I explore conflicts IN MY BIG HEAD I find myself ruminating over my own actions and words, making sure I’m not guilty, reinforcing to myself how right I am, and how others are wrong.

Why don’t we just say “I don’t why,” and move on? “I don’t know why that happened. And that’s okay. Next topic please.”

Here’s the problem. Such is our unsatiable thirst for understanding that when there aren’t enough facts to understand something, we make stuff up. We have a crazy high need for “sense-making,” so much so that we make things up IN OUR BIG HEADS even if they are lies, to give us peace of understanding. We can’t stand not understanding. At least that’s how I’m wired.

So I try to train myself to be okay with not knowing. I try to make peace with a situation even though I don’t fully understand the situation. I try to do this with two simple strategies.

One. I try to look forward. I use my brain to make a plan rather than make a resentment. “Okay, given the situation, whether I understand it or not, how best to proceed peacefully?”

Two. I try look backward with humility and grace. I try to give the benefit of the doubt. If I have even a smidge of doubt – if I don’t completely understand – I have no business making a negative judgement.

We want things to be tidy. I was in a Make Shift Coffee House one time when a college student explained: “There is SO MUCH coming at us through the internet from so many different places. People don’t know what to believe. It’s overwhelming! So people are making simple choices JUST because they’re simple. That guy. I like that guy. I’m gonna go with him.” Boom. Tidy. Brain clutter reduced.

With such a big brain and so many thoughts, there are two paths to peace. Option one is to resolve the conflicts in my head by making overly-simple judgements. And if I have to make assumptions to support my judgements, it’s worth it. I make a resolve. I consecrate a belief. I decide to see someone or something a certain way, no matter what. Option two is to resolve the conflicts in my head by being okay with conflicts in my head. It’s accepting mysteries. It’s accepting that I don’t know it all. It’s being okay with loose ends. And uncertainty.

I try to choose option two. My best self wants to move forward peacefully with my fellows even if I don’t understand their motives or beliefs. Yet sometimes I’m overwhelmed and desperately need to clean house, declutter, and simplify my thoughts. And I can’t blame others for wanting to do that. It’s a hard world out there and there is SO MUCH coming at us through the internet.

If a group is stuck moving forward, it might be because one or more people are unable to let go of a past that they can’t understand.

I know the irony of this article, by the way. My too-big brain is trying to make sense of things I don’t understand.