When there’s a strong difference of opinion among two parties, having a third party who works for both sides can be hugely helpful.
Scuffle on the street? It’s a third party who often breaks it up; not trying to take a side but simply stop the fight. Row between two friends? It’s often that third friend – trusted by both – who serves as a go-between and keeps the peace. Wanna compete in a fair fight? This is why sports have refs; neutral third parties who work for both teams and don’t care who wins.
We can each be that third party in any situation at any time. And hopefully, we each have third parties to whom we can ask for help with our own conflicts.
It doesn’t always diffuse the conflict or solve the problem, but having a neutral third party on hand can provide a graceful way out for one or more of the combatants, should they wish to take it. As a third party you are providing opportunity for talking and listening, before getting on with the fight. Where there isn’t a fight on hand, facilitators improve efficiency and creativity of the group. Many groups have in-house facilitators. Many hire out.
It helps if you have know-how. There are many places to receive basic training in conflict prevention, de-escalation, mediation, facilitation, etc. Being a skilled third party requires investment.
If you are called to be a third party – that person trying to make peace in the midst of conflict – our time is now. I’m gonna take a new training next week. I want to keep my tool kit up-to-date. Stuff is breaking around here and I’m needed.
